I know I don’t normally write you when I’m at work, but today it was necessary. I don’t really have many friends that I would burden with the knowledge of my innermost thoughts in my life, but I know you’ll always listen and you’ll always understand.
I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel lost. I feel fake. I feel so many things right now that I can’t even make sense of them. You know what I did this morning? I prayed for a partner. I never thought I’d be the person praying to God so they could find “the one” (I’m not even sure I believe in that concept) but I guess this is where I am right now.
I feel alone in this place. Not just because I’m a young person in an old folks town, but because no one really understands where I’m coming from here. They just see me as a stupid kid, and sometimes I believe that I am a stupid kid. God, I wish life had a reset button that I could just press and get a do-over on things.
If my 10-year-old self could see me now, I bet they’d be disappointed in me. Hell, I’m disappointed in me now. I think I’ve just ran and ran and ran away from something that wasn’t real, and now I’m stuck in a place where I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I’m some character someone’s playing.
God, I wish I could quit this job right now and move back home, but I don’t want to burden my parents or leave the people here with one less hand in our busiest season. I’m just so…confused. I wish I could flip a switch in my mind and gain some clarity.
Anyway, I gotta get back to work. I’ll talk to you soon.