So much has happened since I last wrote you. Not everything has been bad though, some goo things have happened. Example: I finally got a mental health diagnosis and prescriptions for it! My doctor prescribed me Zoloft for my anxiety and I’ve been taking it for about two weeks. I don’t feel any different, but I guess my energy levels have gone up a bit.
Now to the bad things. I’ve recently been accused of not so nice things regarding my social media. If it was the first time something like this has happened, I think it wouldn’t bother me as much, but seeing as though this is the second time it’s happened, I feel sad. Why would someone think I make inappropriate posts on my social media?
My one guess is pretty dark and very sad: homophobia. I am not a stranger to homophobia. I grew up surrounded by it; but it wasn’t until earlier this week that I came face to face with the realization that these negative comments about me have nothing to do with my character or personality, but with the fact that I am, in fact, queer.
It’s sad that I have to live through this, it’s sad that the people who are in charge of my professional life will not look past my sexuality, it’s sad that we live in a world that judges queer people just on their queerness and not the fullness of their identity. It bothers me that this is the reality that we have to live in.
But there is one silver lining in this whole situation. It has solidified my decision to quit my job and leave my ministry all together. Sure, I’m not gonna do it immediately, but I know now that, whenever I do it, it’ll be the right choice to make.
I am tired of always having to watch my back. I am tired of being harassed for something that people know nothing about. I am tired of having to teach people to see things differently. I am tired of working in an environment that will constantly put me in danger just because I love differently than most.
I am tired. And I am done.