I often find myself thinking about death. Now, don’t worry, the days of constantly waiting and wishing for death to come are far behind me. But I still find myself pondering death occasionally.
Now, you know I’m a Christian (sometimes) and I believe in God (sometimes) and life after death and all those good and beautiful things, so I don’t think I need to go into specifics about theological backgrounds surrounding death and dying. However, I feel as if I must explain my own thoughts on the matter.
I see death not as an ending, but as a beginning. The start of something new (yes, I stole this line from High School Musical). Death is the doorway into a new and better reality, where we all live together with God in perfect peace and harmony. Sounds great doesn’t it?
I find myself longing for that reality. Living is exhausting. Again, I’m okay, no need to worry about me, I’m just engaging in some philosophy. But yes, being alive is quite unpleasant.
I often find myself wondering if life is worth it. More often than not, I decide that it is and I keep going, but on the days when I find myself in the negative, I think about flowers.
I love flowers. They’re absolutely beautiful to look at (I personally don’t care for the smell) and they liven up any room. But, cut flowers tend to whither rather quickly. Their life is a flash and their death leaves behind a scar.
I like to think about flower petals as beautiful scars. They stand as proof that the flower lived and lived to the fullest. It did what it was meant to do, and even at the end, it left behind something beautiful to look at.
I want my life to leave behind a beautiful scar. A reminder that I existed in the grand timeline of human consciousness. A legacy. I look at my life now and there’s not much worth remembering. I should probably do more exciting things.
The only problem with that is: I’m quite alright with being forgotten. I don’t feel the need to leave my mark on the world, it’s just something I kinda want to do someday. Maybe someday I’ll think of something I can leave behind. Perhaps it’ll be these letters.
Anyway, I have to go now. I’m moving in a few days and there’s loads of packing to do. Thank you for listening.