I’ve come to an interesting crossroads in my life. For all of my life, I’ve been a devoted Christian. Went to church every week, did extra stuff for the church, even went to seminary at one point. However, as of late, I feel myself retreating from the church and Christianity as a whole.
I’m questioning if I can continue to call myself a Christian, when my beliefs are so far removed from the core of Christianity. I feel that Jesus is still somewhat compelling, but I don’t think I find him compelling enough to stay in the Christian church. I truly value his teaching, but is that enough to consider myself a Christian?
I don’t know Alice. Religion has been such a big part of my life that I don’t know what it will look like if I leave. I guess I’m just afraid of what’s on the other side of the door. The practice of Christianity has been so integral to my life and my identity that I don’t know where to turn to if I leave.
I think I still believe in God, but I don’t know what that looks like anymore. I would pray, but I don’t know if someone is listening to my prayers. Perhaps I’m the only one listening. Perhaps I’m praying to myself about myself.
I don’t know Alice. I just want to not fight anymore. And everywhere I turn there seems to be a war raging that I’m a part of just because of how I identify. Maybe I just need a break.